DBT Core Mindfulness Skills

Do you ever feel like you’re spiraling out of control? Negative thoughts and strong emotions can be overwhelming, but mindfulness can help. You’ve probably heard a lot about mindfulness, it’s everywhere these days, but what does it actually mean and how does it work?

At its core, mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. When we’re mindful, we’re simply observing non-judgmentally without automatically reacting to our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors as they unfold. We also stay aware of the world around us.

Why does this matter? When we’re mindful, we see what’s really going on inside us and around us. This helps us respond in ways that actually improve how we feel and how we handle situations.

So let’s look at how this works. Our thoughts have a huge impact on how we feel and what we do. When we’re not mindful, a thought like “I can’t do anything right” can set off a spiral of negative thoughts that leave us feeling depressed. Or we might think, “What if?” and imagine the worst-case scenario, leading to a chain of anxious thoughts.

Alternatively, we might think, “They can’t treat me like this,” and snap, lashing out in anger. Mindfulness helps us become aware of these thoughts before they can take over. Instead of getting pulled in, we take a step back and observe: “I’m having the thought, I can’t do anything right,” or “I’m thinking, they can’t treat me like this.” Then, we can label the thought as dwelling, worrying, or fuming.

We remind ourselves, “This is just a thought. I’m just worrying. This is just my anger talking.” This puts some distance between ourselves and our thoughts, taking away some of their power over us. Instead of reacting automatically or starting to spiral, we can choose how to respond to these thoughts or even just let them go.

Now let’s talk about emotions. Mindfulness helps us become aware of feelings and emotions as they arise before they have a chance to become overwhelming. If they’re already intense and difficult to tolerate, mindfulness can make them more manageable.

We start by simply acknowledging the emotion, naming it: “I’m feeling sad,” “I’m feeling anxious right now,” or “I’m angry.” Then, instead of fighting our negative emotions or trying to push them away, we allow them to be here—not because we want to feel this way, but because struggling against our emotions only makes them stronger.

If we react impulsively, we often make things worse or end up doing something we regret. But accepting our feelings takes away some of their power: “I’m sad, and it’s okay to feel sad.” “I’m anxious, and it’s okay to be anxious.” “I’m angry, and that’s okay.” Mindfulness helps us step back, process how we’re feeling, and regulate our emotions. This allows us to respond in ways that help us feel better, rather than just reacting in the moment.

Body sensations often signal how we’re feeling. Our hearts start beating faster when we’re anxious, and we get a knot in our stomachs when we’re stressed. When we’re mindful, we simply acknowledge these sensations: “My heart’s beating faster,” “There’s a knot in my stomach.” Instead of fighting them or getting freaked out by them, which can make them more intense, we just allow them to be there.

This is just anxiety. This is just stress. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s okay. We then mindfully breathe with these sensations, using our breath to bring our attention there. We breathe into the sensation as we inhale, and then breathe out of it, seeing if it begins to soften or relax as we exhale. This helps calm our emotions.

Being mindful of behavior means paying attention to what we’re doing in the moment without engaging in automatic habits or patterns or reactions. For example, we might notice we’re avoiding a task or procrastinating. We could be getting distracted and constantly jumping from one thing to another, or we might catch ourselves raising our voices and starting to yell.

Mindfulness helps us pause and assess whether these behaviors are helpful or if there’s a better way to proceed. Then, we can choose more intentional actions, adjusting our behavior to be more productive and help us accomplish what we want.

Being mindful of our surroundings helps us notice what’s going on around us, what other people are doing and saying, and how they’re reacting to us. This helps us interact with our environment more effectively.

So, mindfulness is a simple concept, but it can be challenging to practice. In difficult situations, it can feel especially hard to stay present. A good way to build mindfulness skills is to use the STOP method whenever we notice a shift in our moods. We stop, take a step back, and then observe: what’s going through my mind? How am I feeling? What’s going on in my body? What am I doing right now? How am I acting? What’s going on around me? What are others doing and saying?

Then, we just proceed mindfully and effectively into the next part of our day. Instead of being on automatic pilot or acting reactively, we can make mindful decisions. We can also tie STOP into everyday activities to help make it a habit. Every time we get up to go to the bathroom, get a drink, or unlock our doors when we return home, we practice STOP.

It only takes a few seconds, but doing it regularly really makes a difference in how we feel throughout the day and helps build mindfulness skills that we can access in more challenging moments.

Another way to build mindfulness skills is to pick one routine activity to do mindfully every day, like brushing our teeth or doing the dishes. We bring full awareness to what we’re doing in the present, paying attention to the warmth of the water, the feeling and smell of the soap, the sound of the dishes clinking, and the movement of our hands.

If we get distracted and start checking our phones, or if our minds wander to what we need to do later or something that happened earlier in the day, we simply acknowledge the distraction. Then, we gently bring our focus back to the task at hand.

Meditation is another great way to build mindfulness skills. If you’ve never tried it before, it might not be as hard as you think. Set a timer for as little as a minute and focus on your breathing. Pay attention to the sensations in your belly as it rises and falls with each inhale and exhale.

When your mind wanders, which it probably will, even in just a minute, that’s okay and perfectly normal. Mindfulness isn’t about preventing yourself from ever becoming distracted—that would be impossible. It’s about noticing where your mind is, as best you can, from moment to moment. Whenever you notice your mind isn’t where you intend it to be, simply acknowledge this, let go of the distraction, and gently redirect your attention back to where you want it to be.

This strengthens our ability to stay present and focused. So mindfulness is a pretty simple concept: stay present and pay attention. This helps us become better equipped to manage stress, negative thoughts, difficult emotions, and feelings of distress. While practicing mindfulness might seem difficult at first, the more regularly we do it, the more natural it becomes.

I have a number of videos that go into more detail about mindfulness and how to practice it, so please check those out. Please help me out by liking and subscribing, and letting me know what you think in the comments. If you’d like to support my channel and help me make more videos like this, I really appreciate it. Please check out the donation links in the description.