When we’re depressed, even basic advice—like getting more active or doing things we enjoy—can feel impossible. It’s not that these strategies don’t work, but depression makes everything feel harder. When we’re depressed, even small steps can seem like too much, and negative thoughts can convince us that nothing will help.
In this video, we’ll explore why overcoming depression can feel so difficult, look at practical strategies that can help, and address common doubts like “There’s nothing I can do,” “I’ve tried everything” or “Nothing ever works.”
Why Overcoming Depression Feels So Hard
People often make recovering from depression sound simple—just change your circumstances, do things you enjoy, spend time with friends, and stop being so negative. It may be well-intentioned advice, but when we’re depressed, those things can feel impossible.
So let’s explore why depression is so challenging to manage, some practical strategies that can help, and address some of the common concerns I see in the comments from people struggling with depression.
Depression isn’t just about feeling sad. It impacts how we think and act and how our bodies feel, leaving us fatigued, sluggish, and drained of energy. Everything is harder when we’re depressed. So where do we begin?
One of the best ways to get started is by becoming a little more active. Spending too much time lying in bed or on the couch, isolating ourselves, or scrolling through social media feeds into depression. Taking a shower, washing a few dishes, spending time with friends if we have them, or going for a walk—any activity that gets us moving a bit or brings us even a little enjoyment or a sense of accomplishment—can temporarily improve our mood. Consistently doing these things builds positive momentum, making it easier to take on more over time and helping us start to feel better overall.
Now, you might be thinking, “I know I should do these things. I’m just too depressed to do anything. I literally can’t.”
It’s completely understandable to feel this way. Depression isn’t about laziness or a lack of willpower. It can make even the smallest tasks feel overwhelming. The goal isn’t to try to force ourselves to do things we can’t—it’s about finding what we can do right now and meeting ourselves wherever we are.
If getting out of bed feels like too much, maybe we can start by taking a few deep breaths, sitting up in bed, or listening to some music. Then, when we feel ready, we can get up, maybe have a coffee, or maybe set a timer for one minute to do some tidying, wash one dish, or answer one text or email. Often, just doing anything can help us feel a little better and give us some energy to build on. And even if it doesn’t, at least we give ourselves a chance.
Or you might think, “This is stupid. I already do a lot, and I still feel depressed.”
Maybe we’re able to drag ourselves out of bed and go to work every day, but our jobs are too stressful or feel meaningless, and by the time we get home, we’re completely drained. We just collapse on the couch and feel miserable all night. Being active doesn’t mean we won’t be depressed, especially if we’re overworking, constantly on the go, or focused only on obligations that feel like burdens.
In that case, a small step might be finding something manageable to do after work or on days off—something we enjoy, something that helps us recharge, something social, or something that brings a sense of accomplishment.
But you might think, “I don’t enjoy anything anymore. Even if I do something, I’ll still feel terrible.”
Depression makes it hard to feel joy or satisfaction, but once we get started on something, we might find that we can enjoy it, even if just a little, or feel a small sense of achievement. A good way to test this is by predicting, on a scale from 1 to 10, how much pleasure or accomplishment we expect from an activity and then rating how much we actually felt afterward. When we’re depressed, we tend to be pessimistic, and we might find that some activities are more rewarding than we expect, which can encourage us to keep trying.
Or you might think, “You make this sound so simple. You don’t get how depressed I am. My problems are too big for this to help.”
It’s true that small steps won’t solve everything right away, and it can seem like the only way to feel better is to resolve those big issues. But even without feeling depressed, that’s difficult. And if we are depressed, trying to make sense of things related to school, careers, relationships, or other important life issues can feel overwhelming and impossible.
When we’re feeling lost or stuck, it’s often more effective to break things down into manageable steps and focus on incremental changes. This can help us start making progress that gradually leads to feeling better. And then, once we’ve built some momentum, the bigger issues can seem more manageable.
Or you might think, “I’ve tried this all before. It doesn’t work.”
It’s natural to be frustrated. But even if it feels like these small steps haven’t worked in the past, it doesn’t mean they won’t help in the future. And even when it seems like nothing’s helping, sometimes it’s all about small, consistent efforts that lead to gradual change, which may not be noticeable on a day-to-day basis.
You might think, “That’s not true. I’ve tried everything, and nothing ever changes.”
It can seem like we’re 100% depressed 100% of the time. But there might be periods throughout the day when we only feel 75% depressed, or maybe we have some days where we feel 85% depressed. Since 75% or 85% depressed still feels really miserable, we might not even notice we’re not at 100% all the time. But recognizing and acknowledging these shifts in our moods shows us that things can be different.
Or maybe we go from being 100% depressed 100% of the time to being 90% depressed 90% of the time, which still feels miserable but is also a measurable improvement—something we can build on.
Or we might think, “This is hopeless. There’s nothing I can do.”
But often, something external happens, or there’s a small shift in our circumstances that can make a difference. Maybe there’s a seasonal element. Or we’re grieving—not necessarily someone passing away, but any sort of loss: a relationship, a job, our youth, or something that was rewarding or gave our lives meaning. And that loss gradually feels less painful over time.
Even if we’re not consciously able to do anything to improve how we feel, at some point, we’re probably going to start to feel at least a little better. And as a result, some of the things we’ve tried in the past unsuccessfully might start to work.
These are all common and legitimate concerns about how hard it can be to recover from depression and how frustrating it is when nothing seems to help. I hope I haven’t come across as dismissive or as minimizing what you’re going through.
When we’re depressed, we often look at things from the most negative and pessimistic perspectives possible. While there may be some truth to them, they’re usually not the whole story. So it can help to ask ourselves, “Is there any other way of looking at this?”
It can also help to remind ourselves that negative thinking and feeling hopeless or helpless are symptoms of depression. Some of our negative thoughts are our depression talking, and we may be more capable than our depression is letting us think.
So it’s important to be kind to ourselves. Instead of criticizing ourselves for what we’re not able to do or comparing our lives to others, we can acknowledge even the smallest things we manage to accomplish. Giving ourselves credit for these efforts isn’t about lowering standards—it’s about recognizing that, in the face of depression, these are real achievements. The more we shift from self-criticism to self-compassion, the better we’ll start to feel.
If you have any questions or comments, please leave them on the YouTube video page.